天水圍的日與夜

天水圍的日與夜 -- 是一部香港電影，講述香港某一個平窮地區 -- 天水圍的生活故事。
就在金像獎以前得知了這一部戯，獲悉是部蠻有意義的戯。
一直都很想看。前陣子在KL的時候曾經試過在 PP Stream 找，可是找不到。
今天朋友告訴我有了。
今天剛剛從KL回來，很累，不想做東西，所以就看了這一部戯。

這電影的拍攝手法，過於簡單，往往就是單一個鏡頭，主角在那裏幹活。
就這樣，樸實的生活。

這電影讓我想到很多。自己、父母、弟妹、朋友、等等等等......
那些感觸一時湧上心頭。。
覺得自己的生活無聊，沒意義
害怕別人忘恩負義，深怕自己不飲水思源
將來老了，是否孤獨一人
以後，我會有一番作爲嗎？
很多很多。。。。

原本想寫，很長，很長，關於電影的觀後感。
後來跟媽媽聊聊，就這樣忘記了。。。
或許，大家都該看看，或許會有另一番體會。

一个月

好想睡觉，因为觉得不舒服。可是，就是睡不着。
就忽然想来这里写东西。

一个月前，我把一段原本不想开始的恋情，弄得越来越模糊。
后来我觉得，不如就试一试，反正，好像已经回不了头。
就这样，我们开始了。
或许经过一段还算漫长的过渡期，所以我并不觉得生活上起了多大的变化。
只是，现在是名正言顺，出街、单独相处等。

在这以前，我已经好一段时间没有跟朋友分享我生活的点滴。
他的出现，让我开始与人分享我的生活。
直到现在，我们之间分享的东西，更多了。

对于这一段感情，坦白说，我没有很大的信心。
因为我总是认为，两个恋人需要长期相处，要在一起生活。
而我们，为了升学，或许需要几年以后才可以一起生活。
或许，我们根本到达不了这一点。
现在，想得没那么长远，然而还是抱着一线希望。

还没开始以前，想了很多。
开始以后，好像没想了。
望，一切安好。
生活，是充满变数的。

忽然

忽然，很想在这里写一写
其实，想写很久了，脑海里的情绪一直搁浅
然后，忘记

忽然，很害怕自己去不了英国
因为，我的其中一科不及格了
然而，还是吊儿郎当

忽然，开始从新追戏
其实，是妹妹要我一起看
不然，我不会这么快就快看完

忽然，领悟到，看戏真的可以霸占我一整天的时间
其实，我觉得很恐怖
好像，我的岁月就这样蹉跎了

忽然，我的‘老鼠’死了
其实，是弟弟闹着玩，把线给剪断了
当然，我真的很伤心，我捉着他打

忽然，不想睡觉
因为，刚才心情不好，出去吃了宵夜
其实，是挂念他

忽然，真的觉得自己空虚
因为，我好像不知道自己过着什么样的日子
只是，我只能等待从生的那一天

======================================================================== **

很多事情，可以发生得忽然
很多事情，无法在我们的撑控之内
很多很多的事情发生了，一天以内，却又好像什么也没做
废废的日子，过得好难受
只是，我也没有勇气提出我想要的生活
我也没在受限的范围找出属于我的一片天空

Recently....

It seems like been a long time i dont update myself here..
I'm having my long long vacation in my hometown.
We always hope for vacation when we are too busy with something and feel tired.
And yet, i know myself quite well that i dont hope for such a long holiday.
I think, it might be just right enough if it is just a 1 month holiday.
Maybe i would only require for a longer holiday if i could monitor and schedule the holiday myself.

It is just right one month time since the CNY.
I have been wasting my time doing sth meaningless.
I would want to do sth else, but... It seems like couldnt as i know my mum would not allow me to do so~~
hope to learn sth else, but. what to learn?
Wanna do nth, but. Would be scolded non-stop by parents.
Wanna go on trips, but. No money n parents say, it is yet the time for me to enjoy.
Wanna work, but. My sister working now, and i think i should stay at home to assist my mum at least a little bit. (maybe i think too much..)

... ...
... ...

Friendship~

= Em, this post is sth i wanted to write for quite some time. =

Over the years since i started to online, i started to write out sth about myself online. Even it is quite unsecured and being published to public, yet i still write it out.
I have forgotten why did i do so, but now, it is certainly because of lazy to write and have forgotten lots of the words especially chinese words.

During the secondary school, i think friendship is quite important to everyone. It might be more important than ur family as it was the treachery period. And most of my time was spending with my friends. Slowly, u would have a gang of friend.
It is so called "best friend"

For sure, i do have a group of friends. We were very very big gang, we always hang out tgt in school. It was looked like gangster.. And yet, it decreases slowly~~
Within the group, of course there are still sub groups...
I could remember, i wrote quite a number of 'articles' about friendship...
Time doesnt wait nor stop, finally we left our secondary school towards our dream and future.

At first, we would say...
Wish not to be apart with each other..
Wish... ; Wish... ... .. etc.
Slowly when time passes, u might forget ur old friends....
I'm quite lucky as i did not lose them but keep them beside me until now.

Recently, most of my friends find their partner.
I do wish them the best luck sincerely from my heart.
And yet, i found that i am losing them...
My friends seem like going more and more far away from me..

Actually i have understand the situation quite some time ago between it happens between my friends and i..
Thus i never say anything...
I remember, one of my friends said, we are such a good friend, as we put each other in the heart then it is enough.(Should be sth like this)

Yup, I was quite admit with that. But as time goes, i found that...
It isnt! No matter wat kind of relationship, it needs ur heart to develop them.
Friends, family, love one. We have to take care on them, it also need to be feed to keep growing.

Maybe i also dont divide my time evenly. I found i actually losing quite a lot of friends... The one who i can find to chat with getting lesser n lesser..
When we grow up, we are handling more and more thing
working/studying which is almost conquer all ur life, den u will spend the rest of the time with ur partner.. After tat it is family and friends will be the last one..
Therefore, as u getting older, u found that u getting lesser friend.
Thus, it is rarely to heard friends from parents.

Maybe, i still need friends~
不再友谊永固，只希望常青 ^^

年龄 · 健康

年龄，其实是一个很可怕的东西。
以前常听说，年龄是所有女人的秘密。
以前不明白当中的原因，现在，好像都明白了。
渐渐，发现自己老了。身体，生理……
开始想要照顾、保养自己的身体，深怕一天就这样无疾而终

这两天都在医院里进出，拥有更深的体会。
今天，诊所里的病人还挺多的。
我也不想坐，一直站在那里观察。
放眼看去，都是银发一族。
我看着他们，一个又一个，突然。。。
我想到了我自己，我的那一天，我到底会是怎样的？！
心中忽然一寒！ 我想不下去了。

人总是害怕自己老去。
然而，人又怎能战胜时间，保着健康？
我维持着迟睡迟起的习惯很久了，试想，何来健康？！

虽然老了，但是我还可以看见老板牵着老伴的画面。
这就是执子之手，与子偕老。
一股暖意涌上心头，很自然地。
当初的承诺，维持至今，无论贫富，健康与否。

5th Feb '09

现在的我觉得很累！
今天在医院呆了半天。（带婆婆去做MRI)
其实也没有严重的事情，只是白内障手术前的检查
在那里看人来人往，听是听非。
医院里，真的有很多很多的人。

早上九点前，妈妈就把我给叫醒。
还说了几句。情绪从此有点懊恼。

原本以为昨晚可以解决问题，后来才发现，或许我期望太高了。
我终于明白，很多时候都是女生想太多。
女生觉得问题出现时，男生往往都认为没问题。
我终于领悟了。
我有点失望，或许他给不到我想要的答案吧。
自己又不懂得解决。。。

Happy CNY!!! ^^

Happy CNY!! It is an Ox year... Without my concern, it is already the 6th day of CNY, the time flies and i have been staying at home for one week..
I had moved all my stuff back from KL as i finished my Advanced Diploma course. Now,i have my long long vacation. I dont know what could i do, however. I wish to do nth but enjoy, yet my mum said :: i never say to rest but you???!!!!
I wanted to say, i was really tired throughout the last semester especially during December. But,i could expect her answer.. So i better keep in silence.

Today,finally i start a little bit of my tidying job. I took out all my thing from my drawers and found a lot of funny thing. I'd re-read all the letters and cards when i'm free ^^ Beside that, i also found my long lost collection...

These are my old cassettesss~~ i thought they were lost..
But they are actually in my drawer... wakakkakakaa!!!
Must take out to listen when bored.. ^^

These booklets are the gift from 少年
last time i like to read them.. But i forgot d
I was really surprise when i see this collection..
OMG~~!!!

And.... Sth i bring along to school daily....
Wakakakakkakakkakaaa~
Anyway, these few thing i had thrown them away lo...
Cos, is useless and nth to do with them anymore...

Tidying the old thing really some kind of fun during ur spare time.
Hahaa~ But i still have a lot of thing to tidy... I brought so many thing back from KL >,<>

Forgiveness and Punishment

Normally i couldnt remember what i have dreamed last night after few moments from my bed
The 1st dream was, i found there is another car park in Mid Valley which i believe it doesnt exist.
I couldnt get any parking lot in the dream and my friends brought me to that car park.
And when we are leaving, one of my friends ask me to go for meal in Times Square
It is Korean food, i was dilly dallying should i go? Should i bring him along?
The point is, i do not like to eat korean food.. i think this is the reason i dilly dally in the dream.....

While the 2nd dream is about the dissertation. I dreamed of the friends who i just know them from ProDeX, we might be just talk with each other for few words since then...
It is quite funny to dream of them..
I dreamed one of them who might score A for his Dissertation...
I recall this dream when reading an article about Forgiveness n Punishment from Cleo (Dec)

The words seem like inspired me something..
Which i dont know how to express..
Anyhow, i think it is better for us to forgive someone rather than punish him/her by gossip, backbiting or outright revenge..

I think i'm self-blaming for not studying the last whole night
The environment was noisy and i couldnt concentrate on myself
And, i'm quite annoyed by that..until now....
I still couldnt get back the study mood by just sitting in front of my laptop...
Sigh~ I should forgive it but not to punish myself for not studying and subsequently do badly in exam....
I shouldnt!!!
I must go after my schedule.... ^^

Submissions...

It is the last week of my last semester, and it drew an end today
Finally i have submitted all the assignments as well as my dissertation
=)
I thought i would be very happy with that as the burden being gave off
And yet, i didnt feel any happiness in me
It is just like the same..
I still dont feel well with my current situation.
There is another exam waiting me ahead which is starting in short time
Up to now, i still do not start any revision yet
Nth to do
What to do
How to do
=(
What's happening.. so sad n moodless

话题人物 :: 他与我

最近，我成了同学们的话题人物。每一天都在谈论着。
其实还蛮害怕的，因为我不曾因为这样的事情，而让人谈论着。
昨天半夜，我被朋友叫出去喝茶，最终，被逼供了。
我以为他们不会问我。是我太傻，太天真了。

不知道从什么时候开始，他找我的次数多了。
一开始，我觉得朋友，还好。渐渐地，友情好像开始慢慢地变化。
我察觉了，可是，我不敢肯定。我当没事发生。
因为我最想要的，便是维持好朋友的关系。
最重要的是，我没有心理准备进入一段爱情；还有，我无法确定他的举动。
我们一起sms的次数更多了，但是他还是一样没有行动，我继续保持沉默。
我们一起出去的时间也多了。
人潮中，大家在一起玩乐；人潮以外，我们会聊些私人话题。
当然，都是他开始。我也只是回答，反正没事的。
后来，朋友有开始说，你们俩最近好像很好。
当然都没有否认，只是我们真的是朋友。
话题开始流传。。。。。。。
一直到圣诞前夕，我们的BBQ派对。如我所料，我一定被人家玩死。
我，被灌醉了。可是意识依然清醒。我很晕很晕。
这时，他喝了很多。他开始呕吐，后来朋友们才开始灌我。
他大概帮我顶了一半的酒，如果不是，我应该会不省人事。
很晕很晕以后，我知道我已经倒在他的床上，我开始无法支撑自己。
后来是朋友扶我回家，我也呕了。
朋友们都说 “派对里，见证了一对情人的诞生” ； “派对里，看到了一个好男人”
我都一笑置之。我觉得，好男人应该不是这样断定。
几天后的一个夜晚，他一如往常sms我。
我开始料到，接下来的信息，到底会说些什么东西。
果真。然而，我拒绝了。一个很早以前就想好的理由。
<<我已经要离开这里，我不希望一个不能在我身边的男朋友，我不希望一段远距离的恋情。。。>>
这以后，他说，希望可以保持最近我们的那一段关系。我没有拒绝。
可是，好像跟进一步了。我，其实渐渐开始慌了。
人前的我，是如此的镇定，其实心里，觉得不好受。
我到底想要怎样。每一天，从早到晚，从晚到早的sms.....
嗯。。。。。。。我不知道接下来我要怎么走，只是还挺希望快点回家。
至少我不需要害怕在这里，我还会继续沉沦。

昨晚，朋友对我的逼供。我都否认了，可是原来他们知道了。
之前他们已经向他逼供！后来，还是得认了。
他们说 “他是个好男人，应该尝试。” 这一点，我想，我也清楚知道。只是尝试...
嗯，我不希望一段恋情在几个月后便消失。我觉得没意义，也浪费时间
他们说 “如果不要，就不要这么常找他，不要让他失望” 可是，即将考试，我不忍心在这个时候整死他。还有，不是我不要，只是他来得太迟。如果，一两个月前，应该还不错。
他们说 “请回家好好考虑” .........................................

回到家里，我看到他的留言，要我叫他起身。
我犹豫了，后来还是打了电话，叫他起身。
他说他很高兴，我看得懂他的暗语，可是其实我，不知所措。
看着他越来越多的甜言蜜语，我更不知如何是好。
或许我真的应该尝试，只是我还没有勇气踏出那第一步。
我还需要时间，让自己更确定，让自己更踏实。

2009的愿望

嗯，好像很久没有在这里留下自己的足迹。
2009年了。跨年的那一晚，我忽然想到，到底2009年我有什么愿望？
我好像真的忙到什么都忘记了。。
可是，我有努力地在想，只是，我好像想不到任何愿望。
应该还是希望身边的人健康，快乐。
对于自己，好像也不知道要怎样。因为总是觉得，前路茫茫
我可以顺利毕业去英国？去了英国，我会怎样？我会继续深造还是？？。。。
一连串的未知数，所以我也不知道要怎样。
对于爱情，好像真的遇到了。可是那一天，我拒绝了。
只是依然保持着，朋友与情人间的关系。我真的不知道我想怎样！
感觉对不起他，但是。。。

嗯，很累！一连串的庆祝活动，疯狂以后，很累很累！！
很爱睡了 zzz

Christmas

It is an end for Christmas~
And, it was quite tiring for me..
At first, i was still dilly dallying where n how should i celebrate my Christmas
I did thought of going back hometown and celebrate it with my old friends
And yet, the Christmas fall on Thursday, it is unlikely for me to go home.
Coincidentally, my classmates are organising a BBQ party on Christmas eve..
So, i decided to join the party.
Few days later, my mum told me she is coming to KL during that time.
I thought, i couldnt join the party
(Actually i not really wan to do that, but i dont know what should i do.. it'd be too pitiful to celebrate alone)
But, my considerate mum never say anything about that
She let me to have fun myself... Hahahahhahaaa~
And, she dint call me during christmas eve, and i guessed she knew i was having fun...
The next day when she rang to me, she really asked me "where were u last night................."
Hahahahahhahahhaaa~ actually quite happy with that, but what if i can do the same thing in my hometown?!

Recently i dont have good appetite, so i dint eat much in the BBQ party..
And actually i have a bit of phobia with the BBQ food..
Den, after the BBQ session, of course there is another games session..
They bought the beer and trying to make me drunk...
And, finally, i really drunk and vomited...
This is the 1st time of having such a bad experience after drinking beer..
1st - they bought Tiger which is the cheapest ; 2nd - they kept asking me to drink
Finally, i couldnt stand for drinking that much, i felt so dizzy...
I tried to lay on my friend's bed.. They brought me downstair, and.....
I vomit.. Then i also need the aid from friends to send me home..
I vomited again when reach home....
Luckily, my mind was quite awake during tat time, just i really couldnt stand well.

And it was Christmas day~
I thought to send my mum to bus station, but my sis told me my aunt going to send her there
So, i continued my sleep.
When i woke up and on my MSN... then, everyone kept asking me
"So early??" "Feel better??" .......
Oh yes, it was really ok to me, but i dont wish for another beer session like the Christmas eve.
On the Christmas night, i went out with my Community Sociology friends finally..
Em, actually i dont really can "connect" with them after so long time...
Or, maybe i'm not their type.. but, i still hope to keep the relationship
It was just a normal dinner with them, but the japanese buffet.. really not nice
Moreover i was in truly bad appetite, so i paid about RM30 for 2 slices of meat... >,<
But, the worst should be... i forgot to bring along my christmas gift to exchange with them
Hahaa~luckily my partner get it, so i would deliver to him when i free ^^
And, what i get from them? i got a cash gift, RM15 and another cash voucher RM5 from red Box
=|||=

And now,everything is over and i hope to start and continue my assignment by today..
Christmas hope :: Stay happily n healthy everyday, work hard for the coming exam and score well...

I miss my home ...

I was doing data analysis for my thesis. And suddenly, i cant concentrate myself for it
So, i clicked to read my sis's blog.
I couldnt believe what had been happened on me...
there was a blog writing about my father by her...
She was writing the moments she spends with our dad.

As me, our dad is a cool person who talks very less to us.
Especially when there is only 2 persons in the car, we wont have any topic to talk with
And one day, she made my dad laughed non stop...
So, she was so happy with that...

Actually recently she told me a lot of the moments they spent at home..
I really appreciate and would like to thank her for telling me all of these..
Even i wasnt there, but at least, i know what's happening..

When i read the post, my tears dropped...
And, i really really miss my home...
I replied her ::

其实，我也很羡慕你，因为以前当我还在家的时候，爸爸很少在家，爸爸对我来说，就更陌生了。每一次你跟我说家里的笑声，笑话，我都很羡慕。很多时候，我也会想要这些时光，可是，当我知道现在我的家人是这样融洽的，好像没有距离感时，我是很开心的。=)

Sunday, 14 Dec '08

I have been spending my whole day at home just to tidy my room. It was quite mess + dusty.
I was considerate should I make it as I dont actually deserve the time to do such a thing.
And yet, finally, I did it. The whole room.
Throughout the week, I was really busy until I dont have the time for myself.
Everyday, I woke up quite early, then I went to college, doing sth... I also couldnt remember what were those stuff.
Start from Thursday - Saturday, the ProDeX started. Project Design Exhibition.
I have been selected to participate in the exhibition by my project supervisor. I really dont know, was it happy or not!!

I dint have any excitement until the really last hours of Wednesday night, after being reminded by my friends only I remembered my slide show for the exhibition is yet to be done.
It was only my thesis in my mind. Then, i burnt midnight oil to complete the slides..
On the next day, i went to college as usual in the very early in the morning.
I had been waited for about half a day for the judgment. As expected, i dint get into the final.
I went back to home and had a nap. Ms. Wong rang to me when i was sleeping...
When i woke up, i went to college to attend my classes..
For the next day, it was almost the same, but i had to spend my whole day in college.
Everyday, i wake up - college - back for nap - college - sleep...
My days.. sigh~
Anyway, i think i should think positively.
I actually had earned sth from the exhibition >> the experience, new friends, the lucky draw(computer keyboard), vouchers, free giftsss.....
Anyway, at the end, i quite appreciate with the chance given to participate in this exhibition.
At least, my advanced diploma being coloured a bit before the end.

After the exhibition, i was really tired. But, i still went out with my friends..
I just dont wan to stay at home, hope to have relax Saturday night, hanging outside.
And, i reached home on about 3.30am...
Before i went out, i found that my nike shoes had been lost. As i were wearing high heel for the exhibition, so i never realised it....!!! Really sad for that...

Hmm, to think properly, i also dont know am i sad for that... or?? .... I dont know!!!
I just tidy up my things and thrown sth... and read some letters/cards by friends in old days...
It was quite fun for that....

Just finished reading my friend's blog.. It made me to think of sth...
两个人在一起，是为了填补寂寞的生活，还是想要共度生活？！
或许，恋爱，是为了填补寂寞的生活；婚姻，是为了共度下半辈子。
爱情，不该让人觉得是一种负累。
爱情，应该顺其自然地发生，慢慢产生变化..........??!!!