Being Imposed!!!

It is so soon that i'm leaving Liverpool now...
I didnt expect to make new friends here, i mean someone who is close to me, whose can share life together.
Sorry that i dont know since when i had lost the passion in making new friends..

I was walking in city centre with my friends, and i received a call from my friend.
She seldom call to me, and that's why i feel weird to receive the call...
Her "there is closing down sales in Crocs"
Friend "why would she call u ger?"
YQ "maybe she knows i wanted to buy Crocs"

When i arrived in Crocs, i thought she went off, who knows, i still met her there.
She came to have few words with me, and i replied, then she went to talk with my friends.
After all, my friends told me... We knew her intention...
She needs my friends to deliver sth for her bf....

Haiz ><>
I was so frustrated after knowing her intention...
The feel was so bad!

Actually, i was being told she is very cunning and do everything with an intention?
I just never expect even such a tiny thing, she also did it with an intention......
Sob!

Yasmin Ahmad

(雪蘭莪‧首邦市）大馬著名導演雅斯敏阿末（Yasmin Ahmad）週六（7月25日）晚上病逝後，今日（週日，7月26日）早上在梳邦再也的Abu Bakar As-Siddiq回教堂舉殯，大馬演藝圈及各界人士不捨這位名導離去，全體同聲一哭。

雅斯敏阿末於上週四（23日）因中風及腦出血突然昏迷後，連日來未甦醒的她於週六晚上11時25分與世長辭，享年51歲。

雅斯敏是於週四（23日）在第3電視開會時，突然因中風及腦出血昏倒，被緊急送往附近的白沙羅專科醫院急救，週六下午一度傳出病情惡化，並於週六晚上不敵病魔，與世長辭。

對馬來西亞本地愛好 電影者而言，雅絲敏阿末（Yasmin Ahmad）並不是陌生的名字，每年在各大節慶前後推出的國油（Petronas）廣告，溫馨且緊扣人心，一直深受國人喜愛，印裔父子同慶國慶、華裔婆孫 同慶新年、三大種族男童成“沙煲兄弟”，還有“LRT讓座位”國民意識廣告……這些感人、溫馨的廣告，都是出自雅絲敏之手。

雅絲敏阿末出生於1958年，14歲就到倫敦唸書，從事電視廣告製作26年，雖然在廣告界是殿堂級人馬，但雅絲敏從未考慮跨入電影界拍攝電影，直到爸爸病了。

她說：“因為我父親病了。我想要告訴我媽媽和爸爸，我很愛他們，想給他們一些東西，所以我拍了自己的首部電影《Rabun》，一部關於他們，關於老了仍彼此相愛的電影。就因為他們，所以才拍電影，有點意料之外。”

2002年以父母故事為藍本的電影《Rabun》獲得好評後，她之後約每年出品一部電影，雖然題材頗具爭議性，但幾乎都在海內外揚威，在國際間有一定的地位，2007年金馬獎影展“東南亞新勢力”便特地引介了她的4部作品；今年6月的台北電影，她不但擔任國際青年導演競賽的評審，同時還放映她的新作《Talentime》。

拍《單眼皮》後受華裔青睞

許多華裔是在雅絲敏於2004年拍攝電影《單眼皮》（Sepet）後，開始認識她，她更憑這部電影拿下法國Creteil國際女導演電影展最高榮譽評審大獎。

她在2007年為大馬國油拍攝的“陳鴻明”電視廣告，摘下康城金獅獎，成為史上首位奪得此獎的大馬人。她近2年奪得國際及國內廣告獎大獎，包括2008年安迪國際獎最佳導演及公共服務金獎。她也在《2009年首要藝術家獎頒獎典禮》，拿下“藝術家之星獎”。

《單眼皮》以及另二部曲作品《Gubra》和《Mukhsin》打響雅絲敏在本地與國際的知名 度，不僅在各大影展大放異彩，其跨族群文化的內容展現還打破大馬觀眾的觀影習慣，成功吸引不同種族的人走進電影院。當《單眼皮》和《Gubra》分別榮獲 第18屆和第19屆大馬電影節最佳電影獎後，引起主流馬來報章的一陣撻伐，被質疑其“馬來性”和得獎的合理性。

對於當時《單眼皮》引起輿論，雅絲敏被嗆聲指傾向華人社群，她曾淡淡地說：“其實，《單眼皮》只是個關於男女墮入愛河的愛情故事，無關華人或馬來人。”她表示，“我一直認為，唯有各族團結，大馬才會更美好。不管是我拍的戲或是廣告，都反映這項訊息。”

先後與印度人華人結婚

雅絲敏經歷2段婚姻，前任丈夫是印度人，現任丈夫則是小她5歲的陳耀良，在她的愛情裡，並沒有種族之分。

“我想說的就是，對我而言，他們只是人，沒有所謂的印度人或華人。”

雅絲敏阿末的電影多半取材自她個人的生命經歷，親暱的家庭關係及駁雜多元的大馬社會成為她作品當中最關鍵的養份來源。

星洲日報‧2009.07.26

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

A reporting about the death of Malaysian Award-winning director, Yasmin Ahmad.
A local director who i admire so much..
I knew her from a magazine interview of her...
Then only i knew she was the director of Sepet...
It's rarely to meet such talent in Malaysia, as i prefer the realistic story line in her movies though i just ever watched Sepet..
Paise..
And yet, truly admire her from the bottom of my heart..
RIP

Night Walk

Always sleep in the very late midnight...
Busying something means nothing..,
Tired + Sleepy in class...
I was having a nap this evening, When i woke up..
I felt to go out to buy my thing..
And i get what i want to.. Bread...
9pm++, i think about to 10pm...
The Sun begun to set, lighting on the streets..
I pass the pubs and bistros, crowds everywhere...
Cars park along the road, full!!!
It has been a very long time I dun see such a situation.
It brought me back to the Friday night in KL city..
Where i always went out at night, for movie, for a drink, for..... anything..
As long as i wanted to go out... To relax....

随意

好想家
好想念家人
（妈妈忙得两个星期多没跟我聊天）

想朋友
想念一班好朋友
（我好像很久没跟朋友联络）

想喝汽水；想吃零食
突然想看戏，手里握着汽水+零食
（平时，我并不怎么喝汽水，零食也少吃，现在一直尝试这里的薯片）


想去海边·拍照
想看日落，想一个人沉思
想哭，想睡

想念，如果会有声音
不愿，那是悲伤的声音

在这里，我不可以随意打电话
在这里，我不可以随意找到我想找的人
在这里，什么都有，就是没有归属感
在这里， ... ... ... ...

Malaysians Style Breakfast

I woke up around 6am sth...
So unwilling to wake up as i still sleepy...
It's a nice day..
Nice weather.. even without sunshine.....
Quite cloudy...
And I decided to make myself a nice breakfast for waking up so early..
=p
Just a tiny award to myself before i start to do my revision for the exam papers on next week...

As i have extra 10 eggs in a sudden..
Then, i decided to make this breakfast for myself..
Milo + Half boiled egg + Bread ^^
= Satisfied!!!

Hope, i could really study sth today.... =p

闷

HHHhhhmmmmm~~ 忽然胸口闷着闷着。
这两天很想听歌，一些不一样的歌。
偶尔觉得，太安静了。
昨晚，半夜，朋友说想出去走走，12am 我竟然说，要就走吧！
虽然出去，可能一个人走，但就想出去。
最后，还是留在家里，泡网
嗯，终于看完巾帼袅雄，感动，流泪
夜深，天快亮，我才入睡。
醒来，天没有很亮，因为外面飘着毛毛细雨。
心情，好像也这样子，
闷闷地
阴阴地
讲话也没有很客气
心情总是不安牌理出牌 >..<
其实，很想躲在厚厚的被窝里
其实，很想被抱着，很想念哪一个体温
嗯，忽然什么都不想做。。。
又是懒懒的艳琦

给情侣们......

谈恋爱其实是什么？！每个人应该都有自己的见解。
我认为，一起恋爱，是一起分享彼此的生活，而不是其中一方照顾另一方；另一方一味依赖其中一方。。我一直都这么认为。
有一天，有一位朋友说“是哦，现在你拍拖了，我可以跟你问你感情的问题了。” zzz =.="
我一直以来都有自己的见解，这跟我有没有男朋友没关系。可以随时问我，但请不要一直追问我的感情事。
虽然一直以来我都没有拍拖，曾经很想，曾经觉得可有可无，曾经不想。。。。
因为我觉得，一直以来我自己一个人，好好的，没必要多一个人分享或缭乱我的生活。
或许，我太眷恋自由自在的生活。

一直以来，我都有观察自己身边的情侣。
一些每天好像双胞胎，分不开。
一些每天斗嘴，好了又吵，吵了又好。
（我曾经跟一位朋友说，其实他对你很好，不要一直抱怨，应该珍惜）
*如果我看不到这一点，我一定不会说
一些感情如儿戏，换恋人如换衣。
没有多加的批评，只是觉得，这样真的开心点吗？
是不是恋爱多了，经验多了，威水点？还是，只想做不同的尝试？
一些可以一整天不联络，缺乏沟通。彼此间的‘沟通’只是交待。

最近来到新的环境，新的朋友，新的情侣。
一开始，我觉得他们很好，应该不错。怎知后来才知道，双方的记录应该都不好。
（原谅我的老土，或许多一点的恋爱经验，并不等于不良记录）
仔细观察以后，发现，女的总是要男的帮她做东西。
开始，每一天早上看到男朋友给女朋友准备早餐，很幸福，很浪漫。
可是，久了，我就觉得，有一天，男朋友会厌倦这种生活吗？因为，其实彼此都会享受别人为自己准备早餐的时刻。
好像是我第一次听说他们吵架以后，我看到女朋友准备早餐。
或许，女生都不应该做粗重的工作，这代表男生对自己的疼爱？
我只是觉得，男朋友好像做多了。
其实，一些东西女生也可以做，也可以自己学习。
一起恋爱，不一定是指定一方侍候另一方。
我认为，一起做，效果应该更好一些。

我其实不喜欢看到情侣吵架，即使只为小事争吵。
因为我觉得，吵得多了，感情一定会有裂缝。
而裂缝，或许是无法弥补的。
裂缝随时分裂，或永远留在哪里。。。
而且，有时候，这些争吵也会给我带来烦恼。
两个不同的个体，一定会有争吵时，只是，太多的争吵，便对感情造成伤害了。
或许该听听大家的想法，再寻找共同点。
没有共识，就应该无法走同一条路。

争吵，或许可以带来更多的沟通，而让彼此了解。
虽然我不赞同，只是，一些情侣甚至没有沟通，只是觉得应该交待。
就对彼此交待大家做了什么东西。或许他是你生活的一部分，但绝不是你心灵的一部分。
这或许是一种惯性依赖，只是我想，一天，大家没有了话题，往后的日子，要怎么走下去。
每天看着对方，觉得对方没变，便等于安好？
其实，生活里，还有很多可以分享的东西。人的想法、见解是会随着时间而改变。
缺乏沟通，或许一天，你会发现，你最熟悉的人，成为一位陌生人。
那是可悲的一天。

到现在，每当我看见满头银发的老夫妻牵着彼此的手走在路上，心中总是莫名感动、羡慕。
我想，两人可以走过半世人的日子，应该不简单，当众一起经历的。。。。
因为现在的婚姻也如儿戏般。婚姻不是一个保障。
我看到自己的父母，到现在还有很多的话题，一起出街，我还是深深的祝福。
希望他们可以一直这样下去。。。。

以前，对恋爱有一定的见解。那些，应该都不会错。
只是，后来才体会了一些细节，一些事情，想、说、做，未必是一样的。
生活，是一起学习、分享。
=)

珍惜眼前人，如果他/她不是对的人，或许真的不该浪费时间。
付出的未必等于回报，只是没有回报，付出的，好像白费了。
意义也没有了。

看到一些情侣分手了，不一定觉得可惜。
一些感情，是应该结束，不该浪费任何一方的感情、时间。
只是不明白，为什么一些人可以盲目地恋爱？！
或许我真的太理智，太清醒！

Birthday in London

It was just like dreaming when I knew I'm going to spend my birthday in London.
London, such a big city where I dun ever dare to think to have such a chance to go there during my day..
Feel please to have the chance =)
And yet, i dun have any excitement in my heart though it is such a dreamy place to me.
It's just like when I had to depart from MAS.
To me, it is more important to spend the day with someone else....
My friends who I'm well know with, crazy tgt~~ My family... My love one....
I was missing them badly during the time... They are the most important ppl to me...
This could be said as my most quiet birthday I have since I came out to study, no celebration, no cake, no birthday song...
I rather to celebrate my birthday in my homeland, with someone i'm familiar to...

London has anything I want... full with crowds, foods, etc.....
I saw koreans, japanese, chinese everywhere... wondering how good London is, why are the ppl coming here?
Besides, the transportation system is so good, excellent accessibility.
And yet, i think it is just in London but not all the states in England.... Not fully developed yet.
But, it is better KL make good the place 1st..
And... I could also see ppl with different kind of fashion on the streets.. Salute to them!
And.. finally i know, London is really a big city... I walked so much there....
I couldnt believe that i could walk so far....
I think, London is somewhere worth visiting... Quite a lovely n attractive city......

Finally, at the age of 22nd, i step on London...
Been to River Thames, Tower Bridge, House of Parliament, St. Paul's Cathedral.... etc
Somewhere i looked at pics since i were so young.. long long time ago...
I couldnt believe i was there.
But, there were not as pretty as in my mind...

My birthday ended up with Korean food with my friends...
Thank you~ ^^
Even it was simple, and yet after a tiring day, they still walk further to the restaurant..

Again, i wish everyone stay healthy n happily.... beware of H1N1*
And... i hope i can score the best result i could achieve =)

22nd... hmm~~~ i remember i couldnt accept that i was 20 years old...
And, it was 2 year ago...
Jui said, we are no more 18-22... Yup, we are not....
Hope that we could face the fact, and grow more matured, more responsible with our life...
At least, to have a target to go on~~~
22nd... it seems like, i still have nth~~~
Life, keep on to go, and I didnt make any change for it..
Let it be.......
This year, no more unacceptable feel... just... no feel, missing home land...
Age, sth i couldnt control...
And i think, i should grow up as time goes on....
I hope i do...

In London, i almost forget that was my birthday... Maybe, i dun have any celebration...
Without a cake... Anyway, i'd like to buy one for myself during my lunar calendar birthday..
Sound pity...

生日，其实只是普通的一天。
只想天天都开心 =)

Busy life in Liverpool

Hmm... time always flies without waiting for anyone.. This is the 3rd week in Liverpool....
For the 1st 2 weeks, it was quite enjoying... We had 2 hours classes per day... Gosh, what a relax studying life here. I thought, I was wrong by expecting the hard life here.
[According to seniors, studying in Liverpool John Moores University (LJMU) is much tougher than study in Sheffield Hallam University (SHU)]
I was thinking, how could seniors said tough with such a life? 2 hours class, then u could go around the city centre, walk around, do some shopping or window shopping, etc....

Nightmare begins...
Yesterday was the starting of 3rd week with a new subject, which is about cost and financial.
When I first get the handout, I looked at the schedule of the module... My eyes brighten up with sth... "Group Presentation"
There is group presentation on the next day, and it's going to be held throughout the 2 weeks module daily. GOSH!!!!!!!
What is this? It means, we are going to have daily assignment and have to present it on the next day..... >,<

I was really really upset with that, frustrated life.... Disgusting!
Maybe it is a long time i have been having my holiday, relaxing all the way without using my brain. And yet, i think, my brain need sometime to warm up.... zzz
I dun like a rushing life, just busying doing thing from day to night, before sleep, after i wake up..

That's why, on the moment, i'm looking forward to the weekends. At least i think, i could give myself some time, to tidy up myself. And also to let my hair down....
I always need time for myself, just to tidy up my own mind, prepare for the next week. Doing sth i like to....

Tension life.
Fighting with time for the assignments...
Searching some info which we do not know previously from none....
Hope that, everything going to be fine and get used with it...
=)

聊天

刚刚，突然有一位不太熟悉的朋友到我的房间来聊天。其实，只是普通谈天。
在我们这种阶段，很自然就会聊到毕业以后要到哪里工作。
听她说完，我觉得自己很幸福。在外读书的这些日子，我并没有打过工。
一路以来，都在享受生活。日子总是嘻嘻哈哈，除了功课的压力，基本上已经没有了。
我从来不担心钱不够用，也从来不想要向任何机构借钱读书。
毕业以后，就只需要给家人生活费，如果允许，就给更多，以作这么多年来的养育之恩

我们当然也有聊聊这里的生活。她说，她希望留在这里，因为马来西亚无法赚钱。
（她还有一大笔读书债）因此她说，想在这里工作。是的。。。因为兑换率，而且没有繁忙、古燥的生活。
或许他们努力过，他们已经迈进享受的时候。
这里的人，日出而作，日入而息，很享受的生活。
吉隆坡，车水马龙，四处喧哗。。。。。

再来，便聊到感情。她说，很多情侣来了英国读书以后，毕业以后，便分道扬镳
原因是因为双方都坚持在自己的家乡工作，从此断绝联络。
听来好像很残忍，可是这就是事实。
两个人在一起，就要相互忍让，互相迁就。
但愿，我没有这样的一天。

渐渐，对于自己的这一段感情建立起一定的信心。坦白说，对我来说不容易。
忽然听到这样的事实。。。 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！

对于前程，我还不知道。
因为，我觉得马来西亚比较有归属感。
因为，我不知道自己是否可以度过一个人的日子。
农历新年，中秋，冬至。。。。。。。。。佳节倍思亲。
突然，前路茫茫

累，晚安

All About Me = YaNQl

It has been a real long long time i dun update myself in the blog.
It is all because of the laziness in my body, running everywhere throughout my body from head to toe.
The long 4-mths holidays had marked an end, and i already started a new life in Liverpool. Which mean, i have to continue to study again.
After so long, i dunno is it ok for me to pick up myself in study.

It was about preparing the resit paper... Den, unknown direction...
Dunno could i pass the paper even i know how to do. Just worried about the paper, maybe the lecturer purposely to mark strictly.. Or.... etc
I could felt the strong heart beat when i was checking my result..
Thanks God, i had passed the paper and immediately to prepare myself to Liverpool...

During that time, my maid's contract terminated and have to help mum for house works at home...
After sitting n eating at home for months, it's really tiring to work so 'hard' everyday... I'm sure that my stamina had reduced tremendously...
I felt tired..... zzz

Until the eve before i depart to Liverpool...
I felt a lot ppl concerning on me. My aunts & uncles kept calling to me, chatting to me...
My aunts even on-leave just to send me to airport... Oh no!!!!!
Thousands of thank you in my heart to them... =)
[Hmm, honestly, i not really wan to leave MAS]

The moment the aeroplane departed from KLIA, my tears well up in my eyes.
I wished to stay... That is somewhere belongs to me, and i have all my thing there..
Family, friends, and everything.........
During the 1st night here, i really felt the loneliness when i turn off the light and prepared to sleep...
Felt to cry again... ;'(
I couldnt believe i had become such a gal.... I was so tough......
Maybe a cancer does really love home.

There was none excitement grown in my heart even the moment i arrived in London airport.. >.<
Sorry for tat, not to show off or anything...
During the 1st few days, i saw planes flying above the sky...
I was thinking, when would i take plane again and back to somewhere i belong to?
After a week, i had settled down, and getting used to here...
And yet, in my mind.. i still wish the arrival of the day to return home.

At here, white men everywhere.. Sometimes, i couldnt understand what they talked to me. Learning the new culture...
Shops shut in the evening, probably no night life...
silent streets since around 8pm... Cool weather~~~ bread meals...

It isnt hard for me to suit myself into a new life...
But i do really miss home...

Here, i get new friends.. but i dun really talk much to them...
I miss my best friends....

Maybe, i'd love the life here.. soon, or never...
Just wish that i'd experience sth here before i leave...
=)

天水圍的日與夜

天水圍的日與夜 -- 是一部香港電影，講述香港某一個平窮地區 -- 天水圍的生活故事。
就在金像獎以前得知了這一部戯，獲悉是部蠻有意義的戯。
一直都很想看。前陣子在KL的時候曾經試過在 PP Stream 找，可是找不到。
今天朋友告訴我有了。
今天剛剛從KL回來，很累，不想做東西，所以就看了這一部戯。

這電影的拍攝手法，過於簡單，往往就是單一個鏡頭，主角在那裏幹活。
就這樣，樸實的生活。

這電影讓我想到很多。自己、父母、弟妹、朋友、等等等等......
那些感觸一時湧上心頭。。
覺得自己的生活無聊，沒意義
害怕別人忘恩負義，深怕自己不飲水思源
將來老了，是否孤獨一人
以後，我會有一番作爲嗎？
很多很多。。。。

原本想寫，很長，很長，關於電影的觀後感。
後來跟媽媽聊聊，就這樣忘記了。。。
或許，大家都該看看，或許會有另一番體會。

一个月

好想睡觉，因为觉得不舒服。可是，就是睡不着。
就忽然想来这里写东西。

一个月前，我把一段原本不想开始的恋情，弄得越来越模糊。
后来我觉得，不如就试一试，反正，好像已经回不了头。
就这样，我们开始了。
或许经过一段还算漫长的过渡期，所以我并不觉得生活上起了多大的变化。
只是，现在是名正言顺，出街、单独相处等。

在这以前，我已经好一段时间没有跟朋友分享我生活的点滴。
他的出现，让我开始与人分享我的生活。
直到现在，我们之间分享的东西，更多了。

对于这一段感情，坦白说，我没有很大的信心。
因为我总是认为，两个恋人需要长期相处，要在一起生活。
而我们，为了升学，或许需要几年以后才可以一起生活。
或许，我们根本到达不了这一点。
现在，想得没那么长远，然而还是抱着一线希望。

还没开始以前，想了很多。
开始以后，好像没想了。
望，一切安好。
生活，是充满变数的。

忽然

忽然，很想在这里写一写
其实，想写很久了，脑海里的情绪一直搁浅
然后，忘记

忽然，很害怕自己去不了英国
因为，我的其中一科不及格了
然而，还是吊儿郎当

忽然，开始从新追戏
其实，是妹妹要我一起看
不然，我不会这么快就快看完

忽然，领悟到，看戏真的可以霸占我一整天的时间
其实，我觉得很恐怖
好像，我的岁月就这样蹉跎了

忽然，我的‘老鼠’死了
其实，是弟弟闹着玩，把线给剪断了
当然，我真的很伤心，我捉着他打

忽然，不想睡觉
因为，刚才心情不好，出去吃了宵夜
其实，是挂念他

忽然，真的觉得自己空虚
因为，我好像不知道自己过着什么样的日子
只是，我只能等待从生的那一天

======================================================================== **

很多事情，可以发生得忽然
很多事情，无法在我们的撑控之内
很多很多的事情发生了，一天以内，却又好像什么也没做
废废的日子，过得好难受
只是，我也没有勇气提出我想要的生活
我也没在受限的范围找出属于我的一片天空

Recently....

It seems like been a long time i dont update myself here..
I'm having my long long vacation in my hometown.
We always hope for vacation when we are too busy with something and feel tired.
And yet, i know myself quite well that i dont hope for such a long holiday.
I think, it might be just right enough if it is just a 1 month holiday.
Maybe i would only require for a longer holiday if i could monitor and schedule the holiday myself.

It is just right one month time since the CNY.
I have been wasting my time doing sth meaningless.
I would want to do sth else, but... It seems like couldnt as i know my mum would not allow me to do so~~
hope to learn sth else, but. what to learn?
Wanna do nth, but. Would be scolded non-stop by parents.
Wanna go on trips, but. No money n parents say, it is yet the time for me to enjoy.
Wanna work, but. My sister working now, and i think i should stay at home to assist my mum at least a little bit. (maybe i think too much..)

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